"Minne-hopeless"

Is it me, or did the American Idol auditions in Minneapolis suck? Randy Jackson called us "Minne-hopeless". After one singer, Simon Cowell said that his horrid performance pretty much summed up the Minnesota auditions: useless at everything. Ryan "I'm Gay But Too Scared To Come Out" Seacrest even called our region the "Midworst". One would think that out of 10,000 auditionees that they would put many people through to Hollywood, but no - a measley 17 people advanced. Sad.

I know they mostly pick the bad singers to be on TV for ratings and whatnot, but here is a sampling of some of the characters they aired last night, making Minnesota look like a bunch of bumbling morons... I promise we aren't as stupid as they made us look!!!

1. The show started off with the girl who absolutely LOVES Jewel (who, by the way, made a lovely addition to the judging panel last night! She made ugly Paula look like a pile of puke!)... dresses like Jewel, tried to sing like Jewel, and sort of looked like her too if Jewel were younger and had over-processed hair and beaten with an ugly stick. After collapsing to the floor practically begging to be let through to Hollywood for about 10 minutes, they finally kicked her out and moved on to the next disaster.

2. The weird girl who sang the Cowardly Lion song from "The Wizard of Oz", LIKE the Cowardly Lion sang it. All I can say is, ODD. At first I didn't realize that was her actual audition piece, until she finished and smiled at the judges... I thought she was singing like that as a joke. Apparently not. And the special poster she made to go along with it? It looked like a kindergartener's art project.

3. The girl who sang "Kiss" by Prince. Was there really a highlight to this performance? I don't think so, considering she forgot the lyrics THREE WORDS INTO THE SONG. Then she just kind of held her hand up to her ear like she had headphones on and barely sang. It was one of those moments where you're embarassed for the fool on TV. I had to turn away, it was too sad.

4. Jason Anderson from my hometown of Burnsville was by far the best worst audition of the night. He sang (horribly) while twirling his juggling sticks. His juggling sticks were the ones you see at the Rennaissance Festival... that wretched nerd fest out in the boonies. After they told him no, the judges got him to juggle some more, and even dance! It was so pathetic, and made me embarassed for Burnsville. Oy vey. I'm telling you, it was like a bad car accident.

I called my little sister after that mess and she knows the juggling bear. He goes to her high school, and though she isn't friends with him, she said that she thinks he is one of the theater kids - oh boy! And then she said, "He'll probably get pushed down the stairs tomorrow." I cannot even begin to imagine how badly the other students are going to make fun of this poor kid today. He made an ass of himself on national television and then proceeded to curse and cry in the most dramatic fashion on his mother's shoulder in the lobby! He committed social suicide by auditioning. I wonder if he had any idea that his audition was going to be broadcast to the world? I can't wait to talk to my sister and see what happened to him at school today. Is that bad of me?