Has this ever happened to you?

1.) You know when you are standing in a large retail chain – like, I dunno, Target, we’ll say – looking at knives with your best friend, and a middle aged woman behind you rips off the biggest fart you have ever heard? No? You’ve never experienced that same situation before? Well, it happened to Rachel and I this weekend at the Target in Roseville.

Do you notice that it seems to fall dead silent at the exact moment you hear a fart, burp, or someone briefly talking loudly about the topics of sex or genitals in public? It seems like all of a sudden that is the one and only thing you hear in the entire world.

Rachel and I heard this woman fart, and I’m pretty sure it scared the culprit more than it did us. We immediately had to halt all discussions about which santoku knife that Rachel should buy, and run two aisles down and begin laughing hysterically for 10 minutes.

I’m sure the woman was mortified, but it provided unlimited entertainment for us.

2.) You know when you’re in Banana Republic and you see four young kids sitting on the floor around an ottoman and they’re making their pieces of candy have sex with each other? No? Haven’t been in that situation either? Again… happened to Rachel and I this weekend too.

Banana Republic is usually a fairly quiet store except for the music playing overhead, so naturally the first thing we hear when we walk in are moaning and other sexual sounds. We walk further towards the back of the store and we see four small kids sitting on the floor banging pieces of M&M’s together (kind of like when you made Ken and Barbie kiss each other when you were a kid… basically smashing their faces together) while making sex noises and giggling. And no, this wasn’t my interpretation of the situation, it is definitely what they were imitating. I heard one of them say, “now make these ones “do it” together!”

Wow. Kids these days!