Bathroom Encounters

Rule NUMBER ONE when in the men's restroom: NEVER talk to the guy at the next urinal while you are peeing (mainly if you don't know him).

This has had to have happened to every guy at one point or another in his life - you're having a peaceful piss, and then the guy at the next urinal decides to be all neighborly and strike up a conversation about baseball, or some other masculine topic which I would know nothing about, given my circumstances. You stand there - uncomfortable and trying to pee faster just to get the heck out of there - awkwardly staring at the wall and noticing that the no-talent ass clown next to you is actually trying to make eye contact with you. This brings me to Rule NUMBER TWO: If you happen to be one of those guys who talks to his urinal neighbor, do not try and make eye contact. It's just uncomfortable and gross.

It should be one of those known rules in the bathroom to not talk to anyone (unless you really know them well, but even then you still stare at the wall, not at them), but occasionally you get those rebels who break the rules and make it weird. However, all of the above can be avoided, if you have more than two urinals to take advantage of.

Rule NUMBER THREE: If there are numerous urinals to choose from, always leave a space of one urinal between you and any other guy.

All of this came about because here at work, I only have the option of two urinals and two stalls in the bathroom on this floor. There have been many times where I'll be standing in an empty bathroom doing my business and some clown will come in and stand at the next available space, and strike up a conversation with me like we've been best friends for years. It's uncomfortable. And it's just weird. Don't do it...